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The Emperor has come for a visit and is tagging along to the Crown Princess's boss's pool party. Unfortunately, he's got a somewhat...er...European approach to swim attire. www.mommayhem.com www.eliserobertson.com www.arroyofilmworks.com credits: Creative Team: Mouncey Ferguson, Elise Robertson, Stephen Statler, Cricket Ginty Mom: Elise Robertson Daughter: Stella Ferguson Cinemetographer: Beth Napoli Music: Stefan Girardet Title: Ben Benjamin text: You remember that Emperor, the one who walked through town without any clothes on, but no one said anything? Well, one year that Emperor came for a week’s visit to his son, the Crown Prince, and his family. And they went to a pool party. A pool party being thrown by the Crown Prince’s wife’s boss, I might add. So they get there, and the Emperor couldn’t wait to get in the water. And he shucks off his robes, and what’s he wearing? A Speedo! Red, white and blue – with stripes! Like he’s about to do the 200 freestyle! And the Emperor is no Michael Phelps. He’s 225 if he’s an ounce. The Crown Princess nearly sank into her chaise lounge. She noticed a few women cover their mouths, and a couple of teenagers snickered. But nobody actually said anything. It was like everyone just…just…pretended the speedo wasn't happening. But trust me, the Speedo was happening. 225 pounds of cannonball into the pool, major butt crackage visible, and a splash so big, he made a kid cry at the other end of the pool. The Empress went inside, ate some snacks. She couldn’t watch. When she came back out, the Emperor was diving in. And when he comes up, he’s all “Whoa! Almost lost that there!” The Speedo was down around his ankles. And really, if he’d just stayed in the pool, that would’ve been okay. But no, he does a few laps – seemed to be doing a lot of backstroke – then he gets out, towels off, and proceeds to just…hang out poolside. In nothing - but - the - Speedo. At one point, he was standing, drinking a beer, talking to the Crown Prince’s wife’s boss, and he actually put one foot up on a chair. What’s he trying to do – maximize air flow? The Crown Princess went inside and found the Prince, who was watching the baseball game in the basement, and told him he needed to come out and say something to his father. But the Prince was involved in the game and didn’t feel like getting up off the sofa. The Princess explained that there are some things an emperor just doesn’t want to hear from his daughter-in-law, and that his son, his blood relation - needed to man up and go say something. At which point the prince tries to flip the whole thing by telling the princess she’s overreacting and just needs to relax and have a beer. But the Princess was NOT relaxed, especially when she got back outside and saw the Emperor playing ping pong. In. The. Speedo. And just to be clear she was NOT overreacting. Someone said something about not knowing they were serving baked potatoes at this party. Another suggested they put some more sausage on the barbeque. Then another guy said it must be time for the egg race, and the first guy added that it should maybe be a three-legged race. But did any of this get through to the Emperor? Nope. At one point, he put back on his shirt, but not his shorts, so there was just a little something peeking down, you couldn’t be sure what it was. Something round. Kid: So what happened? Mom: When the prince finally came upstairs and saw what was going on he was dumbfounded. He said it was time to go home and shuffled the whole family out the door. Kid: Well at least he finally spoke up. Mom: No, actually he didn’t. He never said anything. Not in the car on the way home. Not the next day. And not only that, but didn’t apologize to the princess either. And so when they got home the princess said that she hoped she wasn’t overreacting by asking the prince to sleep on the sofa until he grew his own pair of speedo-busting cajones and actually said something to the emperor, because she was NOT going to spend the rest of her week with that Speedo.